It’s 4am on May 3 and it’s time to recap April 2023.
- 705 words drafted
- 10574 words revised
- 386 pages edited (95k words)
- 2 projects submitted
I began the month in a state of panic and frustration, and ended the month with an unexpected bout of anxiety.
First up, I had a meeting with my new editor for Suitehearts. It was truly a fantastic conversation where we discussed the revisions for the draft I submitted and set a new due date (May 22).
My magical matchmaking middle grade duology is a HarperCollins title and was unfortunately affected by both Barnes and Noble’s decision to no longer stock middle grade hardcovers and the HarperCollins union strike (the later of which resulted in the book getting reassigned to a new editor). It released to crickets. Actually, it wasn’t even that. More like near complete silence lol
My editor and I agreed that we want to give this second book the strongest chance to make a splash by spending extra time ensuring it can live up to the first. And so… the release date has been pushed back.
Suitehearts #2: DRAMA AND DESTINY will be released on May 7, 2024!
This extra time also gives me a chance to figure out what I’m doing in the middle grade space, how to market it, and if I want to continue writing kidlit. It’s a lot to think about. I’m sure of nothing at this point.
I completed revisions for “Bonne Nuit” on April 7th. My editors accepted all my changes and so my little gargoyle story is off to production! Yesterday, I also got news of the new title for the anthology which I’ll share in next month’s wrap up.
The rest of the April was devoted to all things Adult Romance #2. Thinking about it. Dreaming about it. Plotting and making compromises. Being frustrated and so stupidly in love with it, in equal turns. I turned in my revised draft on April 28/29.
It was due April 28. I hit submit on April 28 at 9:09pm PST, but my editor’s time zone is EST so… you know… failure. Even having a crystal clear vision of what I was doing wasn’t enough to prevent me from editing down to the wire. She’s a hefty one, probably my longest book yet clocking in at 95k so far, at its most high and tight with no extras whatsoever. To be fair TO ME, it’s not a contemporary book. It required quite a bit of world-building.
I was told that this might be the version that goes into production. The INSTANT anxiety spiral this sent me into was so deeply intense, I’m still dealing with it. I’m not ready to let the book go yet! I can’t!
I don’t want this post to become Claire Complains two months in a row, but ya girl is struggling. There’s a lot of pressure on me and this book to do well.
[I wrote out a whole paragraph of feelings and deleted it. Just know that doubt and catastrophizing are beating my ass.]
On the whole, I have generalized anxiety. Right after turning in my draft, I had to attend a multi-day dayjob work event which only made things worse. Social anxiety is touch-and-go for me. It’s a lot better than it used to be and I can usually pull through for work events (you better believe I’m spiraling later) but I’m also an introvert. Like 100% fatality–it’s lethal. My social batteries are as small as those AAA batteries you get from the dollar store that are supposed to be used in remote controls and will only last six months, if you’re lucky.
I have two of those little batteries. That’s it. They were depleted by the end of day one. By day three, I was fully out of commission so when my brain tried to self-soothe by starting to identify patterns in the behavior I was seeing in the people around me…
Sometimes, anxiety can make me mean. I can feel it happen like a light switch flipping–one second I’m fine, and the next I’ve hit my limit. My brain just sort of… sliiiiides into instant irritation. When this happens, I IMMEDIATELY eject myself from all social situations. I will literally run away from everyone to be alone because no one should have to deal with me when I’m in that state.
So, that’s how I’m beginning May: Absurdly anxious. Kind of mad. Unhappy.
May 2023 Goals
- DBAND Final Edits
- Suitehearts 2 revisions
- Write some things for me
- calm down
Until Next Time,