We end the year with a hot take: December belongs to autumn now.

Now, where did we leave off?

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September 2023 Stats

• 9,082 words drafted
• 25,607 words / 188 pages revised
• 1 project submitted

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After writing, drafting, and polishing for everything I was worth, DBAND was finally completed (and submitted to my agent) on September 25th. In a plot twist, the next day I got word my agent also wanted to go on a second round of sub with TSL. I’m not sure why, but I decided to revise it a little first and Christ alive, am I glad I did. More on that later… Before the month ended, I also received copy edits for SUITEHEARTS 2.

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This is a blog–specifically a public record of my author life and not a diary. I usually remove extremely personal/raw bits before publishing. But just this once, I want to include an unedited passage:

I don’t have imposter syndrome but I do struggle with doubt. I constantly remind myself that I’m not special. The way I feel about my stories, and the hopes and dreams I have for me career are not unique to me. There are dozens of others who write similarly to me, who want the same things I do–we’re literally a dime a dozen. I am not more deserving than the next person. And neither are you. Neither is your nemesis or your hero or your fave. I work really hard but so do other people who still haven’t gotten half as far as I have. I’m not being humble (because I don’t know her either). I’ve just always held onto the idea that it’s important to be realistic. But now I’m beginning to question if that realism is solely merit-based. Or am I also holding on to it because I falsely believe it will lessen the disappointment when I’m inevitably rejected or fail.

One thing about me is I’m a libra to my core. It takes me forever to make a decision but once I do? My will becomes iron. If I set my mind to something, nothing will stop me from reaching my goals. It might not happen immediately. It might not happen in a month or a year or several years. But It will happen.

My writing career has always been a slow mover. It’s like a sloth–I get there eventually, but god damn, does being patient kill me with doubt. There’ll be these long fallow periods that are consist of nothing but heartbreak. And then I’ll feel something coming, drifting toward me like a bubble until I’m pressed against it. I won’t know what it brings, but I know it’s something that I want. Sometimes, several thing I want that I laid the groundwork for years ago. There’s a bubble now. I’m on the cusp of something really big. Whatever happens will put me on the path of where I’m supposed to go next in life.

Reflections: September 2023

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October 2023 Stats

• 0 words drafted
• 23,000 words / 100 pages revised
• 1 project submitted

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I heard back from my agent regarding DBAND and… no notes. I knocked it out of the park which was both amazing and terrifying to hear.

I started revising TSL on September 27th and finished on October 9th. Reading through the old proposal was an unexpectedly interesting (and humbling) experience. It initially went on sub in Summer 2022 and over the past year, I’ve made an effort to focus on my craft and prose. The revisions I made felt immense and substantial to me. I’m a lot happier with it now and am very proud of this new version that has been sent off into the editor email ether.

On October 10th, the final cover for SUITEHEARTS 2 landed in my inbox. It’s up in a few places but there hasn’t been a formal cover reveal just yet, so I’m going to hold off on posting it here. I also completed SH2 copy edits and submitted them ON TIME. No missed deadlines for me this month!

Speaking of covers, LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE HAUNTED PLACES had it’s grand reveal on October 27th!

I made a fancy video and everything. It was hell to make! I had no idea what I was doing! But I’m glad I did it and am really proud of the way it turned out. I haven’t posted it to YouTube yet so I can’t embed it here, but it’s currently pinned to my Instagram profile.

That morning was also extremely stressful for another reason: I unfortunately discovered that someone created an AI-generated version of THE ROMANTIC AGENDA and managed to make it the primary kindle file on Amazon. To say I was devastated was an understatement. This person literally took my entire manuscript, fed it into an AI machine, which then spat back out a nonsensical, “rewritten” version of my book. Someone had even bought the stolen version and gave it a one-star review because they could tell it was AI. I notified my pub team immediately and they took care of it, thank god. I still don’t believe I was hacked and have pretty much blocked it out. (I go through my email to create these recaps and seeing that chain was like a slap in the face).

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A substantial portion of my anxiety manifests as superstition. I can’t tell anyone about… things. Otherwise, it won’t happen. Logically, I know that’s silly because anxiety lies and is irrational. I know that. And yet.

I didn’t tell anyone about The Thing and on the last day of the month, my hope-filled bird got shot down out of the sky, bleeding feathers all the way down. There’s a quote I think about all the time by Beyonce: “You can work super hard and give everything you have… and lose.”

I feel like I lose all the time. I try to stay positive by relying on realism. This happens to everyone, even on of the most successful artists on the planet. I love the below post on tumblr that adds a few lines by Captain Picard: “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.”

That’s the lesson I entered November with. Life happens. And so does depression.

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November 2023 Stats

• 3,000 words drafted
• 16,424 words / 21 pages revised
• 1 project submitted

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In the end, NaNoWriMo gets us all on November 1st. With no story, no outline, no plan for anything, I tried to force myself to work on a project just for me. But The Thing literally happened the day before so I didn’t have a single drop of inspiration.

While scrolling through my ideas folder for anything, I came across TPP–the half-baked project I started with an unexpected burst of inspiration back in July. As I read it, the joy I felt while fast drafting began seeping back into me and I heard those two perfect words beginning to echo in my mind: what if…

TPP became MBD and I wrote an entire proposal. I started working on it November 1st, sent it off to my agent on November 27th, and my god did I have a great time. Sometimes I work so fast it’s kind of scary. Keep in mind, I also have a full-time job, could only work on MBD two hours a day, and was in a fully depressive state. I was down bad–alarms blaring, all systems red, going through the motions, losing hours at a time kind of down. I held on to writing that proposal and developing that new story like a lifeline. It truly kept me focused and once it was turned in, I lost all sense of purpose.

I haven’t written anything of note since.

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December 2023 Stats

• 195 words drafted
• 0 words / 0 pages revised
• 0 projects submitted
• Many sessions spent brainstorming projects that have yet to go anywhere.

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Katee Roberts posted a free concept prompt on Threads and I wrote a microfiction scene that might lead to a short story or novella someday. I haven’t thought much about it since, though.

I received some unexpected good news about LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE HAUNTED PLACES. I don’t think I’m allowed to announce yet, but it’s a first for me! Earlier this year, I made a list called “Unhinged 2023 / Delusional 2024” that contains all my hopes and dreams for this book specifically. The UGN is on that list :))))))))

Publishing closes for the last two weeks of the year. When I tell you I was counting down the minutes on December 15th to 3:00pm EST… I closed my dedicated writer email and haven’t opened it since. I saw other people talking about this online as well–writers are contractors. We’re self-employed and constantly waiting for emails that prove publishing remembers us, that it still wants to work with us. Whether you’re querying for an agent* for the first or twentieth time, or anticipating news of an acquisitions meeting or an offer, or hoping for an update from your editor about anything good, the one thing we all have in common is waiting. The waiting, the hoping, the wishing, never stops. Except for two weeks in December. It’s like this giant ball of stress suddenly disappears and it’s one less thing I have to fret over.

(*Yes, I know some agents have been sending form rejections to queries during this time as they catch up on their backlog and THAT IS THE WORST.)

Since I’m not writing, I decided to spend my time working on my social media plans and… it’s going. I get overwhelmed very easily! I get stuck in the mindset that I have to be active! Posting everyday! Everyone else is so much better than me! Because I don’t have an aesthetic eye! Why is my style so busy and cluttered! This isn’t fun anymore! I’m so frustrated! If I don’t promote who will! I don’t want my book to fail! I’d rather be writing but I don’t have any ideas! THIS FALLOW PERIOD WILL BE THE END OF ME!

As you can probably tell, things haven’t been nearly as productive as I hoped, but I think I’ve come up with a doable plan for myself–for January 2024 on Instagram and Youtube anyway. I really want to make videos but I don’t have any ideas for tiktok, whatsoever.

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Y’all… I did it. I documented my author life for an ENTIRE YEAR. My will may be iron but I typically struggle with consistency (hence combining summer and autumn months). I accepted that posting something was better than abandoning the project, a lesson I’m carrying with me from now on.

Instead of documenting monthly goals, I want to make a list for 2024 as a whole to look back this time next year.

• Take pictures! Add images to the posts!
• Add dedicated sections for my social media and video journey
• Monthly recaps preferred. Quarterly is acceptable.
• Remember that your writing tracker is kind of a vital piece of this project sooooo

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Until Next Year,

Claire ❤